i lost my grip

so tired. too many nights in a row where i saw 5 am from one side or the other.

also, my horoscope on "freewill astrology" specifically tells me not to drink...

Capricorn Horoscope for week of September 11, 2008

Writing in the magazine sub-TERRAIN, John More makes the following declaration: "Captains of industry, great generals, artists of genius, even politicians, are often just people who have discovered that alcohol can enable them to make economic, tactical, creative, or political decisions whose implications would paralyze a sober individual." Your assignment, Capricorn, is to find an alcohol-free way to make such a decision. It's time for you to summon visionary courage from your soul, not from a bottle, as you catalyze complex blessings that will ripple through your future for a long time.

every luck

i'm happy.

and i have no time.






but i'm still lonely.

cold

i'm so tired of being closed off emotionally

somehow, somewhere

it's not about anyone else.

it's about me.



i will live for me. i will fill myself so full that nothing can get in my way.

bluebirds fly...

so, a great ra training was followed by a very hectic (and mostly good) first week of school.

the one bugbear is, of course, senior seminar.

i just don't feel supported. i feel pushed, not guided. granted, i need to be pushed. but i'm feeling negative about the process despite trying my best to stay positive. pozzy bear is just a master at manipulating people in the worst way. if you have the ability to play people like a fiddle, don't use it to make them feel low; that's no way to teach. and when someone comes to you for help, don't ridicule them. be honest, sure, stern, sure, but understand where it has to come from. a teacher is NOTHING without a student. let's not forget who is serving whom.


not to sound like a brat. yeah, i am not as far ahead as i could be. but despite whatever innate intelligence i may possess, i'm not an academic. this doesn't come easy for me. to tell me that i am paralyzed in life by my mind serves what purpose? yeah, i overanalyze things. i still dive in quite often. help me use the analysis, don't tell me i'm unnatural.


ok, i'm going to try to let this go for the time being. just push through it. but i do think words need to be said eventually.


in due time.

stormy weather

i'm here. i'm having fun.

i realize that i'm pretty adaptable. i might bitch about change, but throw me in the water, and i'll swim.


which also makes me realize last year REALLY sucked. because i was depressed even through that mindset...

such a lot to me

cleaning my room. its almost time to leave it on a more permanent basis...unless i am back here next summer to save money.


jeez. i'm just not ready for anything.