i'm lonely, i'm tired and i don't know what to do anymore.
really, why does everything suck so hard? it just feels impossible. i can be happy in the moment, but i have so far to go just to get to where i can relax. why can't life be easier? it's so complicated and unfair, and i hate going through it with the feeling that i'll just never ever find anything other than great friends.
i should be grateful. but i'm not. i'm just fucking tired.
fucking sick and tired.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
letter to my friends
Well...summer is pretty much half over, and not nearly enough to show for it.
Things have been going pretty well, actually, so disregard about 53.4% of the emo in that first sentence. I've been stage managing a show, "Wonderful Town" (which Matt and Amanda are in), and it's going ok. I'm also in another show, "Victor/Victoria" which is pretty good and it opens tomorrow night. So, I've been very busy with that.
Also, I FINALLY took my bartending course, which everyone around me is probably sick of hearing about. It was without a doubt the best educational experience of my life. The instructor was amazing, and I look forward to making all sorts of fun drinks at the Lazy Beaver. I passed with the best time in my class of 5:42. (We had to make 12 drinks in under 7 minutes; quite challenging and fun). Now I'm looking forward to finding a job that I can use my new skills in. Especially difficult because I don't have many nights or weekends...oh well, we'll see what happens.
The emo is mostly a recent development. I was excited about Shakespeare Camp (duh), and especially happy that we were going to have an extra session. Well, Clista called me Monday, pissed off because the owners waited until Sunday to tell her that enrollment was really low, so we're not sure what's going to actually happen there. Well, damn. Because I'd been counting on that money, and hadn't gotten a job. So now I'm kind of fucked. But I've got a few leads on jobs, so we'll see. If I find a job that pays well enough, I'll actually be doing that instead of Camp, which is sad, but a necessary sacrifice I think.
I've been thinking a lot about my future career, and projects I want to take on. Directing is the next thing I want to take a stab at, so we'll see. I've done zero work on my thesis. I'm definitely NOT doing Pozzy's idea, the scene night thing. What kind of garbage is that? I'll be following through with expressionism. Maybe not with "The Hairy Ape", but probably. We'll see. Who knows. I am still interested in movement...but whatever, we'll figure it out eventually...
I do miss you all, but I have to reiterate how little I miss Manhattanville. If this were the summer before Junior year, I wouldn't be coming back. But, since it's only 10 more months, I'll soldier on. My heart just isn't in it anymore. I'm excited to work with the Cherries again (and I want the damn Quints cast list and musical announcement already!), and hopefully Zach for JC, and even ResLife a little bit, but other than that...I donno. I'm really just looking forward to living in the heights (or wherever we can find a place!), and I want to get started with my real life. I'm over education, but with luck, this final push will teach me more than I'm expecting it to.
Oh. There is sort of a boy. But...meh. He's flaky. But, speaking of flakes...Adam is back from Russia...so...let's all just pray he didn't get any of my drunk voicemails and text messages. I know he has a new phone, so it's possible...oh god, that would be a miracle if all that evidence of my crazy was gone!
My hands are starting to feel heavy and big. It's that time in my life. I'll explain some other time.
Sorry this is so long. I miss and love you all!
All my best,
Rob
AND PS: I owe Al a public apology for missing her bash. Rest assured, I'll still find a way to celebrate with her.
Things have been going pretty well, actually, so disregard about 53.4% of the emo in that first sentence. I've been stage managing a show, "Wonderful Town" (which Matt and Amanda are in), and it's going ok. I'm also in another show, "Victor/Victoria" which is pretty good and it opens tomorrow night. So, I've been very busy with that.
Also, I FINALLY took my bartending course, which everyone around me is probably sick of hearing about. It was without a doubt the best educational experience of my life. The instructor was amazing, and I look forward to making all sorts of fun drinks at the Lazy Beaver. I passed with the best time in my class of 5:42. (We had to make 12 drinks in under 7 minutes; quite challenging and fun). Now I'm looking forward to finding a job that I can use my new skills in. Especially difficult because I don't have many nights or weekends...oh well, we'll see what happens.
The emo is mostly a recent development. I was excited about Shakespeare Camp (duh), and especially happy that we were going to have an extra session. Well, Clista called me Monday, pissed off because the owners waited until Sunday to tell her that enrollment was really low, so we're not sure what's going to actually happen there. Well, damn. Because I'd been counting on that money, and hadn't gotten a job. So now I'm kind of fucked. But I've got a few leads on jobs, so we'll see. If I find a job that pays well enough, I'll actually be doing that instead of Camp, which is sad, but a necessary sacrifice I think.
I've been thinking a lot about my future career, and projects I want to take on. Directing is the next thing I want to take a stab at, so we'll see. I've done zero work on my thesis. I'm definitely NOT doing Pozzy's idea, the scene night thing. What kind of garbage is that? I'll be following through with expressionism. Maybe not with "The Hairy Ape", but probably. We'll see. Who knows. I am still interested in movement...but whatever, we'll figure it out eventually...
I do miss you all, but I have to reiterate how little I miss Manhattanville. If this were the summer before Junior year, I wouldn't be coming back. But, since it's only 10 more months, I'll soldier on. My heart just isn't in it anymore. I'm excited to work with the Cherries again (and I want the damn Quints cast list and musical announcement already!), and hopefully Zach for JC, and even ResLife a little bit, but other than that...I donno. I'm really just looking forward to living in the heights (or wherever we can find a place!), and I want to get started with my real life. I'm over education, but with luck, this final push will teach me more than I'm expecting it to.
Oh. There is sort of a boy. But...meh. He's flaky. But, speaking of flakes...Adam is back from Russia...so...let's all just pray he didn't get any of my drunk voicemails and text messages. I know he has a new phone, so it's possible...oh god, that would be a miracle if all that evidence of my crazy was gone!
My hands are starting to feel heavy and big. It's that time in my life. I'll explain some other time.
Sorry this is so long. I miss and love you all!
All my best,
Rob
AND PS: I owe Al a public apology for missing her bash. Rest assured, I'll still find a way to celebrate with her.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
it wasn't roaring...
i just finished re-reading the book of joe by jonathan tropper. i read it ages ago, liked it, but mostly set it aside. every night this week i've cried a bit over it. it's really quite beautiful, in exactly the way i like it.
i guess i just want a little bit of meaning in my life.
i guess i just want a little bit of meaning in my life.
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