because you want to burn bright

i'm considering becoming a college drop out.



i am having a very hard time seeing the value in what i'm doing this year. it's not just a judgment of happiness, or ease. i'm not seeing the reason for doing what i'm doing. i feel caught in an existential hamster wheel.

and i don't take kindly to meaningless activity.


i feel like i've wasted three years. and that's not to say i haven't gained from those years. but i haven't gained enough.

when i first really had the thought tonight about dropping out, i didn't feel upset. i just felt a rightness. i feel like i should fade from here, leave on the next wind. i've made my contributions, now i need to move forward and onward. or anywhere but here.


it's a kind of desperation, but i'm feeling free just because i realize i can make this choice. i can make the choice to take a different direction. i don't think college was for me.

and i don't think i should be wasting any more time here.