Wednesday, September 24, 2008
beauty
you can say my work is subpar or insufficient. please. push me to go farther, dig deeper.
but don't tell me that something that got me where i am is irrelevant. don't you dare. stop putting a light out. stop it. stop it stop it stop it.
fuck you.
but don't tell me that something that got me where i am is irrelevant. don't you dare. stop putting a light out. stop it. stop it stop it stop it.
fuck you.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
because you want to burn bright
i'm considering becoming a college drop out.
i am having a very hard time seeing the value in what i'm doing this year. it's not just a judgment of happiness, or ease. i'm not seeing the reason for doing what i'm doing. i feel caught in an existential hamster wheel.
and i don't take kindly to meaningless activity.
i feel like i've wasted three years. and that's not to say i haven't gained from those years. but i haven't gained enough.
when i first really had the thought tonight about dropping out, i didn't feel upset. i just felt a rightness. i feel like i should fade from here, leave on the next wind. i've made my contributions, now i need to move forward and onward. or anywhere but here.
it's a kind of desperation, but i'm feeling free just because i realize i can make this choice. i can make the choice to take a different direction. i don't think college was for me.
and i don't think i should be wasting any more time here.
i am having a very hard time seeing the value in what i'm doing this year. it's not just a judgment of happiness, or ease. i'm not seeing the reason for doing what i'm doing. i feel caught in an existential hamster wheel.
and i don't take kindly to meaningless activity.
i feel like i've wasted three years. and that's not to say i haven't gained from those years. but i haven't gained enough.
when i first really had the thought tonight about dropping out, i didn't feel upset. i just felt a rightness. i feel like i should fade from here, leave on the next wind. i've made my contributions, now i need to move forward and onward. or anywhere but here.
it's a kind of desperation, but i'm feeling free just because i realize i can make this choice. i can make the choice to take a different direction. i don't think college was for me.
and i don't think i should be wasting any more time here.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
i lost my grip
so tired. too many nights in a row where i saw 5 am from one side or the other.
also, my horoscope on "freewill astrology" specifically tells me not to drink...
Writing in the magazine sub-TERRAIN, John More makes the following declaration: "Captains of industry, great generals, artists of genius, even politicians, are often just people who have discovered that alcohol can enable them to make economic, tactical, creative, or political decisions whose implications would paralyze a sober individual." Your assignment, Capricorn, is to find an alcohol-free way to make such a decision. It's time for you to summon visionary courage from your soul, not from a bottle, as you catalyze complex blessings that will ripple through your future for a long time.
also, my horoscope on "freewill astrology" specifically tells me not to drink...
Capricorn Horoscope for week of September 11, 2008
Writing in the magazine sub-TERRAIN, John More makes the following declaration: "Captains of industry, great generals, artists of genius, even politicians, are often just people who have discovered that alcohol can enable them to make economic, tactical, creative, or political decisions whose implications would paralyze a sober individual." Your assignment, Capricorn, is to find an alcohol-free way to make such a decision. It's time for you to summon visionary courage from your soul, not from a bottle, as you catalyze complex blessings that will ripple through your future for a long time.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
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