blowing through the thick corn, the bales of hay...

so.

i donno.


it's just a little ridiculous how crazy this semester has been, and how much has happened, and how much we've all been through.

life moves too fast. i can't keep up. i can't keep moving at this break-neck pace and not actually GO anywhere. and i'm definitely not moving.

ok, emo passage coming up.

i feel like everything i get just slips through my fingers, or turns out to be nowhere near what i thought it would be. yeah, the peter thing, but before that, the matt thing, before that...i could go on, but it'd be pointless. and not just relationships. school stuff too. it's just all too much, and i feel like i can't stop. i want to take a semester off, but i don't know that i'd actually make it back, and then i'd feel like i wasted three years. i can't keep having sleepless nights because i'm trapped in my own head. i want to do crazy things just to feel alive, but i'm so scared. and no one knows, because i'm so good at the facade.


ok. now that that's partially out of my system. at least as out of my system as anything ever gets.

good news!!

-only TWO WEEKS LEFT. if i can bs and survive TWO WEEKS, then i can make it to winter break...
-cast list got posted, and i'm benedick. so apparently i am talented...or at least talented enough for a small pond.
-i got a random fifty dollar check in the mail...? go figure, it's from the alumni association. schweet.
-i got a call from the gap, and they want to hire me for the break. schweet.

and. i guess that's life. i'm really lonely lately, but i don't see any way that that is amending itself anytime soon. and school kind of sucks, but i'm almost there. and i can't stop moving, but at least that means i'm not going to sit down and give up. i'll make it. i'm a fighter.


we try. and sometimes succeed. but when we try true, even the failure is glorious.