demons that i'm running from

first of all, i want to be part of the living theatre now.

second of all, this has been the best week in a long time

third of all, i still don't understand how intelligent people are voting for john mccain.

fourth of all, i'm practically dating a person in the above group, and he's lucky he's wonderful, or i don't know if i could overlook it.

finally

a good thesis meeting.

let's keep it moving this way.

beyond the horizon

i'm just so sad.

beauty

you can say my work is subpar or insufficient. please. push me to go farther, dig deeper.

but don't tell me that something that got me where i am is irrelevant. don't you dare. stop putting a light out. stop it. stop it stop it stop it.


fuck you.

because you want to burn bright

i'm considering becoming a college drop out.



i am having a very hard time seeing the value in what i'm doing this year. it's not just a judgment of happiness, or ease. i'm not seeing the reason for doing what i'm doing. i feel caught in an existential hamster wheel.

and i don't take kindly to meaningless activity.


i feel like i've wasted three years. and that's not to say i haven't gained from those years. but i haven't gained enough.

when i first really had the thought tonight about dropping out, i didn't feel upset. i just felt a rightness. i feel like i should fade from here, leave on the next wind. i've made my contributions, now i need to move forward and onward. or anywhere but here.


it's a kind of desperation, but i'm feeling free just because i realize i can make this choice. i can make the choice to take a different direction. i don't think college was for me.

and i don't think i should be wasting any more time here.

my mind

for once i don't think i want to know.

uh oh oh...

wow. senior year.




shit.